“We like to talk about Graeme,” said Ken and Pearl Moffat, the loving parents of 19-year old Graeme Moffat who lost his struggle with depression and died by suicide on May 16th, 2007.
Ken and Pearl, who do not shy away from openly talking about what happened, describe their son as having the best smile and as being a fearless bundle of energy.
Friends of Graeme’s siblings even produced a hip-hop song titled I Can See Your Smile that was played at the celebration of Graeme’s life. “The first six lines that the song opens with are really a good snapshot of Graeme,” said Pearl.
“Now close your eyes for a moment
Let yourself drift – away
To your fondest memory like it was yes-ter-day
Let him know you’ve been changed forever
It’s amazin’ / how one man’s life has brought us all together”
Graeme’s family created the Graeme Moffat Memorial Fund after a teacher who accompanied Graeme on a trip to Africa asked if they’d considered creating a memorial fund in his honour. Thus began their research in setting up a fund and their discovery of the Oakville Community Foundation.
Over the years, the Fund has dispersed $73,000. Ken and Pearl focus on supporting causes that have a connection to Graeme’s life and his generosity. The main beneficiaries have been the Because I Am a Girl project to support girls in Africa and the Halton Distress Centre to promote mental health in Oakville. More recently they’ve granted to the Oakville Resiliency Fund.
Graeme’s kindness touched many, locally and internationally. At home he was the person who brought others into the circle. Abroad, his small actions improved peoples’ daily lives.
Ken explained that when they first began fundraising they used the tagline “Because he met Graeme, a man in Africa has a better life.”
The story goes like this:
On his trip to Africa, Graeme visited a brick making factory and came across a worker wearing flip flops. When he left the factory, Graeme left behind his boots for the man to wear.
“That always struck me as a great example of Graeme’s generosity,” said Ken.
When asked what inspired Graeme’s generosity, Ken and Pearl said that it was in his nature and that a sense of responsibility was something that they tried to encourage in all of their children.
Since Graeme’s passing, Ken and Pearl have been trying to replace blame and shame with honesty and compassion. For almost ten years, they volunteered for the Halton chapter of Bereaved Families of Ontario and facilitated peer support groups for parents who had lost their children.
“Our talking to the group about Graeme was a way to model for them how they could talk about their child,” said Ken.
May 16th, 2027 will be a significant date for the Moffats. It will mark 20 years without Graeme, more time than they had with him. While the clocks cannot be turned back and the grief will be carried with them forever, Ken and Pearl take what happened and are making good out of it.
“We can never have a perfect life, but we can have a very good life,” said Pearl.
The Moffats agreed that helping others through the Graeme Moffat Memorial Fund is one of the things that helps to make their lives very good.
Before speaking with The Foundation, Ken and Pearl looked through a binder of tributes from Graeme’s friends. “We were crying a bit last night…” began Ken. “And we were laughing our heads off, too,” finished Pearl.
